I'm Not Broken, I Don't Need to be Fixed

I'm not the greatest at titles, it's hella long.

I decided on this title because when someone, upon finding out about my asexuality, asked me if part of my brain was broken. I bit my tongue and told them that no, I'm not broken and I don't need to be fixed. I was kind of proud to finally be able to say that and believe it. Asexuality is just a part of me; a part that's always been there and when I first discovered it, the name 'asexuality' came with some relief. I'd finally found a name for what I had spent all my life honestly thinking was a broken part of me.

I've spent my whole life surrounded by the world continually talking about crushes and sex. As well as perpetuating the myth that you can't have love without sex. Honestly it's no wonder I, and so many like me, think there's something wrong with us. Which is a very sad fact, but true.

Asexuality was also a scary concept when I first read about it; it meant that what I had always wanted- 'normalcy', was just not happenin. And as I started to accept my not-straightness I sincerely hoped I was gay or bi, anything but who I was. My gut reaction though was joy. I remember gasping and whispering about how much this fit me, for a moment accepting myself and who I am. Right before the fear struck me and I tried to forget about asexuality. Yet like a loose tooth, it niggled and wiggled until it was finally free and I started to truly accept myself.

I have since accepted my awesome ace self, I wear my colours with pride, and I have many, many ace jokes and puns up my sleeve. Probably too many. There are still moments of doubt and those dark feelings and thoughts do come back; but overall I have accepted myself and I am happy in my own skin.

Thank you for reading and putting up with my babbling! Your feedback is always appreciated, so, comment away! Also, I will admit the tooth thing was weird; metaphors are obviously not my thing...

Representation Matters

  Author Cassandra Clare announced in August 2014 via Twitter that Raphael Santiago, a minor character from her The Mortal Instruments series, is asexual. Now, this made me super happy, because representation is awesome, yet I couldn't help but think that she could have made it clear in the series. She has made her other characters sexualities very clear cut and obvious, even having one describe himself as "a freewheeling bisexual", so some clear indication of Raphael's sexuality within the series would have been amazing.

  Don't get me wrong, I'm not pooh-poohing Ms. Clare's decision to make Raphael asexual, I just wish it had of been written into the books, and that we could have had more than a Twitter confirmation or announcement. Its kind of like when J. K. Rowling announced Dumbledore, Seamus Finnigan, and Dean Thomas' sexualities. Those could have easily been written into the book, even with a throwaway line, i. e. mention that Dumbledore and Grindelwald had been together, or Seamus and Dean going on a date in Hogsmeade or kissing. To me it would have been quite easy to write the characters sexualities into the book, I'm not asking the characters to dance around and scream, though that would be perfectly fine, I would just like to see clear representation. Not just an announcement after the series is complete.

  I am in no way bashing Ms. Rowling or Ms. Clare, their series are among my all-time favourites and I reread them many times, I merely hope they and other authors would give us more representation than a Twitter or press announcement. We need clear, positive representation. And by positive representation, I mean to not follow or go along with the many tropes characters on the asexual spectrum are written with. These include: cold, robotic, childish, innocent, merciless, inhuman, emotionless, one-sided, 'broken', actually being celibate, faking or lying about their sexuality, and last of all being repressed. Now, these character traits are all fine and good, but when many or all exist in a supposedly asexual character they lend to untrue assumptions of asexuality, some of which are: the non-existence of asexuality, the fixability of asexuality, that asexual people are non or inhuman, that asexual people are childish or innocent, and that asexual people are merely repressed or celibate. These are dangerous and counterproductive assumptions and negative stereotypes and representation. 

  Recently I have been struggling a bit in writing content and deciding what is school appropriate, since this is starting as an English project. So I have taken a bit of a break to brainstorm and my best friend suggested I write a series focusing on representation, I will watch or read shows/movies/books with canon asexual characters then write or review the content and representation. This will be a weekly post series and I will post this along with the kind of posts I have been writing. I will also be properly reviewing the character Raphael Santiago in this series, rather than using him as an example for this post.

  Thank you for reading! Comments, questions, and feedback are always appreciated.

Obstacles

So, with exams last week I didn't get a post up, but I did round out this first semester with a 94 average! Yay!

Now, we'll get to the point of this post, obstacles.

I've come across one major obstacle with this project: the lack of information out there on asexuality. And the information that is available is mainly on how to 'fix' asexuality, which makes for illegible rants and blog posts.

I've reached out to my school counselor and my school health teacher to see if they can help me out, but there is precious little true information on asexuality out there. I aim to work on changing this, which is why I will be compiling a page of resources on asexuality, so people researching it will not have as much trouble as I am having. I'm attempting to clear a little path in this jungle. And interestingly enough Tumblr has been a pretty good place to go for information.

The sheer number of medical articles on 'fixing' asexuality is very discouraging, yet I also find it makes this blog more of a challenge. I get to climb bigger mountains and conquer bigger obstacles, I find myself enjoying the challenges that are arising.

Smaller obstacles have been that it took longer than I thought to set up a website, also, my school's wifi does not allow me to access Blogger. I've been typing them in Google docs or posting them through the mobile app.

Thanks for reading! Comments, questions, and feedback are always appreciated.

The Asexual Spectrum

So, I originally wanted to title this All the Aces, but I thought that this would fit better.

  This is a list of everyone under the ace umbrella, or spectrum, whichever term you prefer. I will be writing another post on the romantic side of things. But before we begin I have a few terms to sort out:

Sexual drive- also known as libido, is wanting someone to touch you.

Sexual attraction- is wanting that person to touch you.

Romantic attraction- is wanting a romantic relationship with that person.

Celibacy- the choice to not participate in sexual activities, often until marriage.

  These are very brief, I hope to post a full post on each sexuality, but I'm still learning myself. Now, we will move on to business:

  Asexual

Not experiencing sexual attraction at all. This sexuality is typically used as an umbrella term for everyone on the asexual spectrum. Often shortened to 'ace'.

Source: Asexuality Archive

The ace pride flag, personally I think it's the prettiest, but I'm biased.

 Cupiosexual

Not experiencing sexual attraction, but still desiring a sexual relationship. This used to be known as 'kalossexual' but there were issues with that name, so it was changed. Often shortened to 'cupio'. I can't seem to find a pride flag for this one, if you find one tell me and I'll add it!

  Demisexual

Experiencing sexual attraction after a deep emotional or romantic bond has formed. Often shortened to 'demi'.

Source: Wikimedia

The demi pride flag, I like the triangle, it's different.

  Grey-asexual

Occasionally feeling sexual attraction, often at such low levels that it is ignorable or unnoticed. Shortened to either 'grey' or 'grey-ace'. I can't seem to find a pride flag for this one either, but if you find one please tell me and I'll include it!

  Lithsexual/Akiosexual

Experiencing sexual attraction, but having no desire for those feelings to be reciprocated. This one has two names because there are issues of appropriation with the use of 'lithsexual', so many prefer 'akiosexual'. Usually shortened to 'akio'.

Source: Tumblr user Mogai-Library

The akio pride flag, I also like this one, it's fiery and warm.

  All these sexualities are valid and the asexual community belongs in the LGBT+ community, though sadly may people everywhere believe us to be straight or heterosexual, and that we are choosing celibacy. Since, you know, asexuality and the ace spectrum doesn't exist, erasure and all that fun stuff. But that 'A' is not just for allies though, it is also for asexuals, aromantics, and agender people. Allies are included, but we and the rest of the 'a's cannot be erased to make the 'A' just for allies.

  Sexuality is fluid and you may find yours changing and that's okay, sexuality and gender are not concrete boxes or cages to keep you until you die. I am always here if you need or want to talk, my contact info is in my 'about me' post.

  Well, I hope this post helps you learn about the ace spectrum and maybe helps you learn about your own sexuality or that of someone you know.

  I believe this is everyone on the asexual spectrum, if I've missed one or more don't be shy to let me know. Thanks for reading, comments, questions, and feedback are appreciated!